sorry. know i say i will blog regularly but i didn't.
its like, too long never blog and i don't really have the habit to even visit my blog.
hahahaha!

well, i shall post something which i long wanted to but had no courage to.

its nearing nov and i have left church nearly a year. since then, i knew my life would be different and simplest thing like singing on stage which i used to think have became one of my fear. i became so unfamiliar and faithless in the things i used to have most confidence. and things in many areas just change. but i accepted this life because i made this decision. and this means i kind of feel how non-believers feel they meet christians.

but i do feel unjustified for church and some good believers. when we meet some 'bad christian', we automatically relate them to church and i often hear people say "he still say he goes to church". so if this person is a muslim, do you say "he still say he goes to mosque?" how should i put it? we are human beings and we are imperfect. the character and personality of a person is determined by its background and most importantly himself. the church can teach the best values and principles but it still depend on the person himself whether he adopt them.

and i hear people negative comments about christians and church. i do feel a little unjustified but i know certain things, we have to experience it before we understand it. and thats the reason why i refuse to argue or debate in such topic. but sometimes i don't understand why is it so unfair when is comes to church(not other religion). but to think about it, if the world can be fair, then Jesus won't be crucified on the cross.

i'm not saying i'm perfect and i don't give negative comments about christians. i know and i do admit that i do gossip or even criticise them. but i'm against the person. or rather the particular issue that happened. i don't blame it on one's church or religion. what's more i understand so much about this religion.

I believe in God because i have knowledge in it and i experienced it. Christianity is a relationship with God. It is not somebody physical that you can see nor touch. But you can feel and hear Him. throughout the pass one year, i know God is still with me, always reminding me that He's there in a more obvious and direct way than before. and i'm saying this because i experience it myself. its more true having someone by my side. of course, you can choose to believe someone who doesn't go to church. if you never been to church then how well do you know about them

I certainly love God. miss His presence. and the reason why i refuse to go to church because probably i just know that i will stay there and don't bear to leave? then why leave? i have no idea. I'm just not ready to face all these yet. but i can only say, to stay with someone you love is easier or to leave someone you love is easier?
maybe i'm just someone who can only learn the hard way?