SHYRLYN :D
I am crazily doing stupid stuff.
I have high pitch laughter.
I can cry in 10sec.
I have a man character.
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It feels good to emo about a happy thing
Friday, April 01, 201100:12
I remembered when nobody used to believe you're a faithful person, I do.
When people used to think of what you are on your appearance, I chose to look deeper in your heart. I chose to feel for you. I try to understand your perspective. When I know you so well. But the moment I thought I was the happiest woman, I failed. I also know you'll be damn yaya papaya if you ever see this. But sadly, I got to admit. Not that I can't find better guy. But at least till now, you're the only weakness I accept happily. No one is perfect. Its how much you can accept about the person. That's the main reason why I'm still very stubborn about not giving up. Even after so many that happened, its still something I feel about having. Its ok if I lose you. At least I cherished this part of you and that's where I find it fortunate. Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1. |
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Facebook is a disaster
Monday, March 14, 201102:22
I so cannot post anything on fb now. Because of pride or whatever stuff. I just don't feel like telling anyone my true feelings because of whatever that had happened to me.
Even if I know that it is out of impulse, I tried so hard to think, if I had a second chance, I would make the same decision. Not that I really mean it but somehow, I just want to say it at that point. Like me always, I never regret what I do. But the point is, I totally got no idea why am I doing this. Like the whole point, it wasn't just the usual self. So, I'll leave this to fate because I have no idea what is happening. We'll just take time to see if this would be a test or the outcome. I shall take awhile to observe before moving on. Its just part and parcel of life. But I still need to cry under my blanket. Hahahaa.. Actually I just kept tearing the whole day today whenever I'm alone. Because where ever I go, I'm always reminded of him. I can always see his shadow everywhere. I didn't want to believe he affects me so much. Since we got together not because one of us fell for the other. I guess I'll feel so much better after writing this. And if anyone is reading this, please don't expose me. I don't like to quarrel because after some fucking incident that land me in hospital, I became not that able to express myself. So end up, I'll just cry for 2 hours and forget it. I'm being like a kid I admit. But life is too stressful to keep up with the adults. I only hope that after work, I'll be taken care like a kid. And yes, I successfully behaving like a kid whenever I'm with him. So, I'm quite thankful to have him. Now I know how much he mean to me. But if he thinks that life would be better without me, then I'll move on. At least I know how I feel now. I didn't know since when I became a cry baby.. Hahhahaha! Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1. |
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nobody reads this post
Sunday, March 13, 201116:03
this will me an emo post. my mum wants to send winter and summer away ... made me cried for days. but i can't let them just go. because winter and summer loves me. everytime i carry summer, she'd be very tame. when i talk to her she'll always seemed to understand how i feel. they are so much lovable than human beings. lastly, i can't help but to think that .... i hope i'm one of the victim for Japan's disaster. |
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What a New Year's Eve
Friday, December 31, 201014:52
Just quit explaining. because the left brain wont understand the right brain. right brain just can't help it to feel this way. and nothing is explainable. left brain will never understand. and the reaction will forever be wrong. The more I try to avoid quarrels, the more it comes looking for me. I shall just shut up and keep quiet till I snap. whatever~ what a retarded thing to feel unhappy about! bye 2010 hi 2011 Labels: argh |
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human nature to challenge.
Friday, December 17, 201003:39
Today, is kinda long day. Woke up early morning, as he head to work, me returning home to remind my mum of myself. I think she has forgotten her daughter because as usual, I'm always so occupied by my own stuff. Worse still, I think I'm really exhausted due to the previous job. Physically and mentally straining because I have to keep reminding myself to stay really strong and keep the drive going until it dies. And you know when anything start to deteriorate, you need to do something about it to not let it worsen. I thought I was so super strong, wonder woman, fly here fly there could take all these but I realised, I needed to break long ago. You can't just keep pushing yourself. - yup, this realisation came to me after the interview this morning. after interview, went back home again for lunch and laze around till evening and I head over to boon lay to meet my gf and my son!!! wahahaha... I had a great time playing him and with him. He kept smiling at my high pitch annoying noises. no, actually I kept talking to him in his language! hehehe! At night, head to OB, meet the 3bbbold2+1appleiphone3g... eat chill and talk cock. When we were leaving, we even craped for 30mins outside cine.. how REEEEEtarded.. hahahha ok, but its great meeting them. and back home. my home. Packed abit of stuff because tomorrow or rather today is friday and I won't be coming home till monday morn. and then, browse abit of net and read a few emo blogs. I just feel that, life is more than just love, marriage, money and work. I got to agree that they are the prime things people look at and vex about. I seriously have to admit that I'm in this category of love money work too. Certain group of friends, can only play. Certain group of them can talk. Certain group of friend can talk and relate. Certain group of friend can talk can relate and respected. I really want to give up talking about this but I guess, I can't change. I'm just more concern about friends and I'm not that kind of person that can "let them be" "mind my own business"... To me, as a friend, even if I know you don't like to listen, I still have to say my piece even when you long already understood this, even you have made your decisions clear. But rest assured, you still have my blessings. I'm not thinking that it cannot work out for you guys. However, as a friend, I respected you due to your passion, your drive and the amount of hardwork you commit in your career. I know how tough is your work already. It'll just be another challenging task for you to bear.. which i think its something worth if its really something you want but you really don't have to do that. Plenty of alternatives but no idea why you taking the hardest way. |
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beautifully ugly
Friday, December 03, 201003:52
Alright, this would be a short post before I sleep. I haven't been thinking much these days. I think I quite sick of the busy life or rather keeping myself busy life. I know I need to move to find motivation and desire to do anything. But it has come to a point that I just feel like not moving. I just feel like staying here and enjoy being taken care of and not care about anything. Don't think of money. Its not the first time that bad things happen to me. In fact, it happen all the time and I'm already used to it especially when it comes to friend(s). So, actually I'm not really feeling anything. So much that I wanted to express my frustrations, my left brain tells me there's nothing I can express. Scold, I also don't know what to scold. Its more like a norm actually. I should have expected long ago because it always happen. Not that I think highly of myself, but I refuse to think that the problem lies with me . I can only say people has different points of view and I can't expect people to appreciate me. However, I am still gonna change because its time I wake up my idea and (don't have to choose friends wisely) just protect yourself from from your own interest. Its so not me but I don't have a choice because (i just told Sam just now) "its not about what you want in life, its about how you accept and face reality." Desire will not bring you anywhere if you can't be realistic in facing the ugly world. I'm not being pessimistic about life, I will still strive in whatever I want but I just want to emphasize you cannot depend on anyone to see and hear for you. You need to open your eyes yourself and be cautious to protect your own interest. Its been some time that I reflect on myself because I was too incautious. I thought everything was ok when the reality hit me. However, I'd like to appreciate that person because it really made me learn and open my eyes BIG. A lot of things happen unknowingly and when it happen, you think people will really be there for you? Look at fb, that how many friends will be there kind of bullshit. Come on, open your mouth and say Money. See who will be there? I was the naive one that always pay and lend people money. I just can't help it but to keep sympathizing with people. All the upright values that I had, I think its gone. I know speaking like this, I'll call this superficial in the past. But, you can't deny that this is fact. At the end of the day, it still comes back to balance. How you balance the beautiful and ugly world. I shall continue the next time when I'm feel like it. yep, short post. hahahaha! |
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Very early in the morning
Tuesday, November 23, 201006:31
I know its very early and I'm blogging. Because I've been idling. For your info, I've resigned and I'm so free now..
The reason why I resigned because I didn't love my job, it was super long hours, very very exhausting, I had a better offer and wanted to do my own business. Talk about business first, its not progressing because I was failed by my good friend cum partner. She didn't say anything and just went mia like this.. I went high and low, said everything I could but she apparently inhuman because she has no feelings. Because I took this step for her sake. Spent so much money for her passion. And she gave up a friend and her passion. I've got no idea what happened because she refused to tell me. But still I believe human don't have a bad nature. But they react in a wrong way due to circumstances most of the time.. So much that I want to understand her, but I think my boy is right. Although I know her for a very long time, you cannot expect people for not taking you for granted, cannot expect people for failing you. I supposed to be so so so so so pissed but I guess I'm just controlling them and keeping my cool because I really don't wish to flare. She told my friend you come back to me when she's ready.. Come on what bullshit is this.. You just don't know how much I feel like killing you.. But you mia-ed all the way.. The longer she keep me waiting, the more I think you treat me like a fool.. And I don't wanna admit being a fool by making this matter big.. I'm not sure if you'll meet a person like me in future.. But good luck. Because when I say give up, that's it.. Please wait forever for me to trust you again.. And really.. Fuck your life deep deep.. Now personal, same thing.. Fucking shit. I'm not trying to be calculative. But you've got no idea how much I spent on her.. To me money is not a problem.. So long its worth it.. But when things change, yes, I rake it up.. Because its not worth anymore. I put in so much effort.. And this is how she treat me.. I treat her better than anyone I swear. I made her so important that I skipped all my own fun to make sure she enjoy everytime we're out.. And just spend on whatever she want.. If you call this a bad friend, then good for you. Because you won't meet such person anymore. If you could just talk things out nicely in the first place, I won't react this way.. And you just spoiled your own image. Fuck. Go and die. Fucking shit.. Lastly, today is a happy day because met my boy at bugis for dinner.. Xlbxlbxlb! Hehehe... And then we walked around bugis with koi for a couple of hours.. I thought walking around will be quite bored but not with him. Cause he's damn cute.. Hahaha.. We headed to his parent's shop at marina, waited for them and then supper at holland V's crystal jade with baby's family.. Its a damn full day cause we ate damn a lot a lot that he started ranting fat die us when his mum kept stuffing us with foood!!. Hahhaa.. I like his parents very much cause they're very nice and friendly and funny. Hahaa.. (Unlike the previous one... Oops.. Shhh) hahahaha! Wait and one last thing.. That stupid spammer E is here again.. Whatever I write, its about myself and its my life.. None of your business.. And before you spam, please open your eyes and read carefully with dictionary, MORON! |
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I suck
Friday, November 05, 201001:01
Yeah, I suck. Stay away from me. I say but I don't fulfill them. I know I suck. I can't do everything. I can't do well. I won't be able to make it. hard work is so tough. the easiest thing on earth is the have talent. the hardest thing on earth is to be hardworking. you can work without talent but not without hardwork. and that stupid facebook is so stupid because I can't post so much things up there. I don't love my job. I don't have passion in it. I have no motivation. I know I always appear to be very strong. but no matter what, I am a human. I cannot be strong forever. the matter of fact is that I'm not strong at all. I'm a weakling.. I only know how to cry.... I hate this!!! >.< |
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Problems expressing frutrations
Wednesday, November 03, 201023:56
I seem to have problems expressing frustrations these days. Being so frustration but I just can't bring myself to express it out. Its a good thing because it shows that I am responding the right way by accepting things that frustrates me. However, this feels so terrible because everytime when I am frustrated with certain issues, I kept to myself. And after awhile, I'll just forget about it and move on. I'm not sure this is right or wrong. It sounds right, but it feel so wrong. The fact is, this cannot continue for long. Because man has emotions and it would only make me feel more terrible the way I am. Not that I want to throw tantrum or vent my frustrations but the problem is even if I've forgotten that issue and matter, the feeling hasn't go off. It is still there. Therefore I think I need to start ranting HERE!!!!! and when its accumulated so much, you just want to forget it. let it go then.. So much so that I don't feel like writing but I know I need to let go somewhere. pissed with the yayapapaya girl... so cocky nvm, but also not very good. I'm not trying to say that I'm better than her. but to me, I don't even want to bother about her wanting to win me or compete with me. I don't give a damn at ALL!! The matter of fact is that if she's really that good, then be an independent individual then. Always give that stupid expression that everyone owes you.. hey come on, you're here to learn things.. not being spoon fed. People protect you just because you are new.. don't take things for granted... no matter what kind of result you produce, I still don't think you are good because you don't have a good personality. and then after complaining, Its just seemed like I'm jealous of her because she is good. Although I know I don't because I never thought she is good. and if I really want to do it, nobody can stop me. but that's also the reason why I refused to complain about her.. because I don't want people think that I'm jealous.. so I try my best to be very nice and communicate with how and in the end I realised I'm not the only one who can't communicate with her.. basically, everyone. Anyways, all the best then.. she'll will do well elsewhere. Just not here.. Anyway, actually.. this person has left... hahahaha.. I want to do alot of self reflections on myself but I realised, I'm so not myself anymore... therefore I have no idea my own response.I hate this but I remained silent no matter where I go. Be it if people agree or disagree with me. let them win... I just don't have energy to fight with them. Where has my energy gone to? where has my principles gone to? the shyrlyn who embrace her principles and stood strong in her beliefs is gone.. Shyrlyn only have all the self doubts and all the disbelief in her. I think I don't need to be positive. Because I try too hard. I probably just need a mean for me to let this all out and go. and start believing in what others say you can do instead of the disbeliefs. and everyday, bell and gongs to me seem to far .............................. Last but not least my last emotion for the day..... I miss him... but I wonder how long can this be kept? how far can this go? how much more can we do? this should be a secret. hahahah... |
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Joy of failure
Tuesday, July 20, 201002:26
Seems like I haven't been blogging for some time.. Apparently I'm really like busy but not really.. And, ya.. I don't quite like blogging when I'm in my good days....
I'm very happy because I haven't been feeling sad... Hahaha.. Whatever.. Crap... Ok, its because bad times are over... And you can't imagine how happy I am because I went through shits months ago for a few months.. But it made me stronger. And I always believe things happen for a reason and I know its to prepare myself for times like now.. To understand myself and being able to work harder.. And I said previously, I need new circle of friends.. So I'm in a new environment now facing different people.. And it feels great.. I just have to appreciate those people that let me down because they are my greatest teacher.. I learn so many things there that they don't. And accepting life like never before.. So what worse can I face after this? This is what I learn.. I can't be any worse than this.. So when you are down, ask yourself, what can be worse than this? Or have you already been through something worse? Then stop dwelling in that part.. You only need to go through it once.. Downfall is a reminder that you musn't take life for granted.. it is how you understand the true meaning of life.. And what is after downfall? You'll surely achieve something right? Yes, I believe for most at least for myself. But the best part is, everytime during good times, I start to think negative. I start to fear about the next downfall.. Because my life wave has always been the extreme ups and downs.. So my next lesson is to learn how to not focus on negative part and yet not focusing on the results itself. How should you enjoy the process of achievement is another story.. hhahaha.. I wanna share a little more about bottleneck instead. This has been what I always been thinking. Because a lot of people can handle failure or rather they know what to do just that they don't want. I gather that reaching a bottleneck in the things you do is always the hardest thing to breakthrough. Because you are neither here nor there. Like I said, when you are very sad, most people know how to go through it. But reaching bottleneck is a lesson I learnt recently reflecting on how I jump out of it. And, I gather that its a part and parcel of life but its hard. Because you just have no idea what went wrong since you alr follow closely to all that you should do. You need to understand that reaching bottleneck is like standing right beside a tall wall. So you won't be able to see anything across it. That is when people try too hard to climb up to see what is across it. They keep falling because they are just climbing blatantly. If you step backwards or move further behind, you'll probably see something more and the way to cross.. I'm not sure if you understand my illustration but what I'm trying to drive is that when you reach your bottleneck, don't try too hard to improve or achieve what you wanted. Take a break, relax and think back. Or move back even if it takes you to do it all over again. You need to understand that sometimes when you're moving too fast, you'll miss out some things. And in this case - life, there are probably something you fail to understand in this process.. Moving fast is good but, true understanding is more important. Its better to know the purpose before you do something.. Lastly, life is not only about career, money, relationships and etc.. If you want to succeed in life, you need to bear the correct mindset, adopt the correct character and values. Because you'll only succeed well with the right beliefs.... Be wise as the serpent but harmless as the doves.. Woooh.... A lot of reflections during better times... Right, this is good.. I'm on the right track... Hahahaha.. I hope I shared something great for you too.. Because I normally share inspiring stuff to motivate myself and also reminding myself in down times... Just like how I read through all posts from the past years. Hahhaa..
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I don't want the antidote
Monday, July 12, 201021:33
I laid down my pride once again. It doesn't mean you fear after a failure. Failure supposed to be a process of learning. You learn from mistakes, from experiences.
For a moment, I want to be rational. The next moment, I want to be emotional. It only proved that you can't balance both. Its either you be super rational and do what is right. Or you just heck everything that what your heart tells you to. To trust and believe whatever you think and kill all the doubts. because doubts only prove how inconfident you are. To think about all the political correct doubts and possibilities only demoralise yourself. and since, I just can't get myself to be rational. then don't be. Since, I don't even care about the truth and only about what he say, then heck it. since, I'm already poisoned..... hahahaha! |
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我，变成我口中的笨女人
00:37
I'm seriously too bored.. I've been sleeping the whole day basically. I reached home at 7am+ this morning as I was drinking the previous night at my friend's restaurant. High and tipsy, I'm so used to that feeling that I don't even feel it. And now, I hate the feeling of being sober. First time, in my life I felt so helpless. When so many things happened recently and I can't do anything about it. When I can't move on and feign ignorance like before. When I don't dare to face the reality and answer a lot of questions even knowing it. When I wish to cry so much but I can't. When I should get angry but I can't. When I thought turning to other people will make me feel better but it doesn't (because you made me felt it once). When I can't stop smoking and drinking even knowing that it doesn't make me feel better. When I can't sleep ever since then. When I don't think you suck but you really do! When I can't help it but to wish for the excuses. When I can't help it but willing to get hurt. When I forget every single unhappiness the moment I see you. I feel like shit...... because you ignored me and left me hanging there not knowing the truth. go away. go and die!!!!!!!!! Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1. |
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冷戰 - 楊丞琳
Saturday, July 10, 201021:28
詞/蔣篤全
曲/韋景雲 你把我當成石膏 再不跟我吵; 是不是一種預告 假裝都看不到 不再重要 我不會再跟你鬧 無言是一種毒藥 更像一把刀 切開我們的擁抱 到底愛剩多少 需要思考 承諾隨愛蒸發掉 不想再當配角 安靜讓我動搖 我想逃跑 我聽到 你冷戰的心跳 兩敗俱傷的記號 閃躲不了 我知道 莫名其妙求饒 也不會是解藥 不如棄權走掉 面對冷的空氣冷的牆壁冷到昏迷 冷到我真的快窒息 冷戰到何時能平息 放我離去(就讓回憶停止呼吸 成冰 ) Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1. |
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Only for my faithful readers
02:28
Ok, I'm like out at Mac to study my marketing paper tomorrow.. Like, I think I'll be dead tomorrow.. Frigging sian.. So I'm her for a short post..
Hmm, special thanks to all my faithful readers. Even when this place is dead so long, I still have faithful readers who checks out this place. And thanks for all of your concerns! I'm fortunate to have people like you guys! Seriously!! Please do note that I can't elaborate too much about my personal stuff here.. So not everything is read as it is.. However, I still like to express my emotions here.. So.. I hope there won't be any assumption or discussion.. Feel free to show your concern if you'd like to lend me your ears.. Cheers! |
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but I can't believe it...
Tuesday, July 06, 201007:52
I know I'm super emo recently.. so I shall stop the emo momentum. hahhaha! Wow, I'm awake at such timing. How cool right? ya, cause I'm not asleep, like as usual. you know, every time early morning I'm very happy.. ya so this makes a happy post!! hahahahah!!!! wheeeee!!!!~ I can't believe what I did...... because I bought the mont blanc wallet with money clip.. like.. am I serious? omg.. hahahahha! Labels: happy, way too random |
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I speak from mind, feel from heart
Sunday, July 04, 201019:55
I read so much of my past post and I realised I emo very often when I always tell people I'm not. I used to express all my emotions in the past. But in the reality, you can't really do that. Therefore, this is where I express my thoughts.
And, when I get drunk, I just don't want to hide my feelings and I'll just say what I want. I don't think before I speak. When I see certain people around, I almost blurted how much I missed him. So when your emotions are being stirred, you behave abnormally. When I told him about it, he went, "same here". And he asked if I'd feel better this way but who does. Because it just proves that he takes it more easily than I do. When he asked me why do I feel sorry, that's when I feel "because I love you". But I didn't say that. I said the usual I don't know instead. But when he said "same here" which explained a lot of question marks in me. And all my hopes vanished instantly. He once asked me "why you don't believe me?" Because I seemed to doubt almost every of his words, but deep down inside I trust all that he say. My mind says, guys cannot be trusted. My heart says, maybe he's the one you can trust? I'm not affected about what he did. It only matters to me on where his heart goes. That's me. But I'm happy at least I know it now. So I don't carry hopes anymore. So I can convince my heart that all guys are the same. (Although deep down, there's still hope. Hope that its not true). And its better I give up on the feelings now than later right? And as I grow older I understand that you cannot bu fu qi about relationships. You cannot believe in those agonies. And I accepted it. I once believed that he mend the hurts of my heart for that while but now, I see the light. I see the ugly truth. Perhaps, ignorance is still bliss. Just laugh about it and move on! Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1. |
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Little bit of randomness...
Friday, July 02, 201020:30
I'm in cab on the way to OB.. So I'm blogging. Think I really roberted again!! I actually planned to club tonight and what? I realised I have a paper tomorrow at 9am!!! Oh, wtf... Ok, I promise to club to my heart's desire tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the day.. Get high get high.. Wahahaahha!
And I'm being random! I so love Audi R8! Its damn cool!! I like!!! Hehehehe |
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Some old Flashbacks...
03:46
It was good reminiscing the good old days and laugh about what I used to blog. I blogged so often in the past and often has interesting thoughts. and I thought in the past, I had so much confidence, I was so intellectual, I was so clear and certain of what I want, I planned so much, I was so motivated and motivates others, I was so determined and persistent of what I want, and what happened to me now? hahahah! and I realised, I used to sleep 4 hours a day.. now, 12 hours a day.. like, i think i will die young cause i'm so unhealthy. hahaha.. oh, and i also realised I used much better English in the past. Maybe because there's no more comprehension to do.. hahaha! Ok, since its been damn long since i blogged, I promise a longer post today.. I was reading some old post I posted in 2007... Wow, this is funny so i decided to repost this... ahahahah! Intelligence V.S Unintelligence Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. Generally, Smart woman + Dumb woman = Smarter women Smart man + Dumb man = Dumb-er men But men always think that they're smart. The problem is, dumb people thinks they're smart whereas smart people are always eager to learn. And eventually there'll be an intelligence disparity. Smart become smarter, dumb become dumb-er. hhahaha. I hope I don't offend anyone though. I realised alot of my recent post states how much I changed. Yeah, I don't understand why I changed so much too.. Like, I became can't be bothered with most stuff. Like, I take everything easily when i used to take everything seriously.. Like, I became so so lazy compare to the past. and I thought we should keep improving but why do I think that life was better? why do I feel that my values and beliefs was better? why do I start feeling bad about myself? but I have no idea how to change.. hahahah.. because there is no motivation in everything... and then I get emo every now and then but refuse to admit. Maybe I should start doing some serious stuff and change the circle of friends. Perhaps, I'm just way too stagnant.. and, walking is good! walking changes my mood. walking makes me happy. walking makes me refreshed. walking makes me healthy. I walked 3.3km from Cine back home.. How cool!~ woohoo ~ Labels: my life, old stuff, Random, the way I walk |
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Good writer good lover =D
Friday, May 14, 201006:11
I'll probably only blog more often this month because apparently I can't sleep.
I really don't wanna keep posting this but, I always miss the spoilt boy at such timing because nothing occupy me. Nevertheless, I think its a good thing that we are being separated for awhile. Its a short break, at the same time a challenge. To test our relationship. An essay consist of introduction, contents and conclusion. But a story not only need these. The writer has to present in such a way that it is detail but not too draggy, interesting and catchy. But the most important point is the writer needs to manage well when to stop and go to the next paragraph. And I'll try my best to be a good writer this time. |
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