Take me away cause falling in love ain't very far
shut up and sit down
I am crazily doing stupid stuff. I have high pitch laughter. I can cry in 10sec. I have a man character.

scream your lungs


scary flashbacks
April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 November 2010 December 2010 March 2011 April 2011
Joy of failure
Tuesday, July 20, 201002:26
Seems like I haven't been blogging for some time.. Apparently I'm really like busy but not really.. And, ya.. I don't quite like blogging when I'm in my good days....

I'm very happy because I haven't been feeling sad... Hahaha.. Whatever.. Crap... Ok, its because bad times are over... And you can't imagine how happy I am because I went through shits months ago for a few months.. But it made me stronger. And I always believe things happen for a reason and I know its to prepare myself for times like now.. To understand myself and being able to work harder.. And I said previously, I need new circle of friends.. So I'm in a new environment now facing different people.. And it feels great.. I just have to appreciate those people that let me down because they are my greatest teacher.. I learn so many things there that they don't. And accepting life like never before..

So what worse can I face after this? This is what I learn.. I can't be any worse than this.. So when you are down, ask yourself, what can be worse than this? Or have you already been through something worse? Then stop dwelling in that part.. You only need to go through it once.. Downfall is a reminder that you musn't take life for granted.. it is how you understand the true meaning of life..

And what is after downfall? You'll surely achieve something right? Yes, I believe for most at least for myself. But the best part is, everytime during good times, I start to think negative. I start to fear about the next downfall.. Because my life wave has always been the extreme ups and downs.. So my next lesson is to learn how to not focus on negative part and yet not focusing on the results itself. How should you enjoy the process of achievement is another story.. hhahaha..

I wanna share a little more about bottleneck instead. This has been what I always been thinking. Because a lot of people can handle failure or rather they know what to do just that they don't want. I gather that reaching a bottleneck in the things you do is always the hardest thing to breakthrough. Because you are neither here nor there. Like I said, when you are very sad, most people know how to go through it. But reaching bottleneck is a lesson I learnt recently reflecting on how I jump out of it. And, I gather that its a part and parcel of life but its hard. Because you just have no idea what went wrong since you alr follow closely to all that you should do.

You need to understand that reaching bottleneck is like standing right beside a tall wall. So you won't be able to see anything across it. That is when people try too hard to climb up to see what is across it. They keep falling because they are just climbing blatantly. If you step backwards or move further behind, you'll probably see something more and the way to cross.. I'm not sure if you understand my illustration but what I'm trying to drive is that when you reach your bottleneck, don't try too hard to improve or achieve what you wanted. Take a break, relax and think back. Or move back even if it takes you to do it all over again. You need to understand that sometimes when you're moving too fast, you'll miss out some things. And in this case - life, there are probably something you fail to understand in this process.. Moving fast is good but, true understanding is more important. Its better to know the purpose before you do something..

Lastly, life is not only about career, money, relationships and etc.. If you want to succeed in life, you need to bear the correct mindset, adopt the correct character and values. Because you'll only succeed well with the right beliefs.... Be wise as the serpent but harmless as the doves..

Woooh.... A lot of reflections during better times... Right, this is good.. I'm on the right track... Hahahaha.. I hope I shared something great for you too.. Because I normally share inspiring stuff to motivate myself and also reminding myself in down times... Just like how I read through all posts from the past years. Hahhaa..
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

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I don't want the antidote
Monday, July 12, 201021:33
I laid down my pride once again. It doesn't mean you fear after a failure. Failure supposed to be a process of learning. You learn from mistakes, from experiences.

For a moment, I want to be rational. The next moment, I want to be emotional. It only proved that you can't balance both. Its either you be super rational and do what is right. Or you just heck everything that what your heart tells you to. To trust and believe whatever you think and kill all the doubts. because doubts only prove how inconfident you are. To think about all the political correct doubts and possibilities only demoralise yourself. and since, I just can't get myself to be rational. then don't be. Since, I don't even care about the truth and only about what he say, then heck it. since, I'm already poisoned..... hahahaha!
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I'm seriously too bored.. I've been sleeping the whole day basically. I reached home at 7am+ this morning as I was drinking the previous night at my friend's restaurant.

High and tipsy, I'm so used to that feeling that I don't even feel it. And now, I hate the feeling of being sober. First time, in my life I felt so helpless. When so many things happened recently and I can't do anything about it. When I can't move on and feign ignorance like before. When I don't dare to face the reality and answer a lot of questions even knowing it. When I wish to cry so much but I can't. When I should get angry but I can't. When I thought turning to other people will make me feel better but it doesn't (because you made me felt it once). When I can't stop smoking and drinking even knowing that it doesn't make me feel better. When I can't sleep ever since then. When I don't think you suck but you really do! When I can't help it but to wish for the excuses. When I can't help it but willing to get hurt. When I forget every single unhappiness the moment I see you.

I feel like shit...... because you ignored me and left me hanging there not knowing the truth.
go away. go and die!!!!!!!!!

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.
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冷戰 - 楊丞琳
Saturday, July 10, 201021:28

你把我當成石膏 再不跟我吵;
假裝都看不到 不再重要 
無言是一種毒藥 更像一把刀 
到底愛剩多少 需要思考 
不想再當配角 安靜讓我動搖 我想逃跑  
我聽到 你冷戰的心跳 
兩敗俱傷的記號 閃躲不了 
我知道 莫名其妙求饒 
也不會是解藥 不如棄權走掉  
冷戰到何時能平息 放我離去(就讓回憶停止呼吸 成冰 )
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.
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Only for my faithful readers
Ok, I'm like out at Mac to study my marketing paper tomorrow.. Like, I think I'll be dead tomorrow.. Frigging sian.. So I'm her for a short post..

Hmm, special thanks to all my faithful readers. Even when this place is dead so long, I still have faithful readers who checks out this place. And thanks for all of your concerns! I'm fortunate to have people like you guys! Seriously!!

Please do note that I can't elaborate too much about my personal stuff here.. So not everything is read as it is.. However, I still like to express my emotions here.. So.. I hope there won't be any assumption or discussion.. Feel free to show your concern if you'd like to lend me your ears.. Cheers!
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

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but I can't believe it...
Tuesday, July 06, 201007:52
I know I'm super emo recently.. so I shall stop the emo momentum.

Wow, I'm awake at such timing. How cool right?
ya, cause I'm not asleep, like as usual.

you know, every time early morning I'm very happy..
ya so this makes a happy post!!

I can't believe what I did......
because I bought the mont blanc wallet with money clip..
like.. am I serious?

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I speak from mind, feel from heart
Sunday, July 04, 201019:55
I read so much of my past post and I realised I emo very often when I always tell people I'm not. I used to express all my emotions in the past. But in the reality, you can't really do that. Therefore, this is where I express my thoughts.

And, when I get drunk, I just don't want to hide my feelings and I'll just say what I want. I don't think before I speak. When I see certain people around, I almost blurted how much I missed him. So when your emotions are being stirred, you behave abnormally.

When I told him about it, he went, "same here". And he asked if I'd feel better this way but who does. Because it just proves that he takes it more easily than I do. When he asked me why do I feel sorry, that's when I feel "because I love you". But I didn't say that. I said the usual I don't know instead. But when he said "same here" which explained a lot of question marks in me. And all my hopes vanished instantly.

He once asked me "why you don't believe me?" Because I seemed to doubt almost every of his words, but deep down inside I trust all that he say. My mind says, guys cannot be trusted. My heart says, maybe he's the one you can trust? I'm not affected about what he did. It only matters to me on where his heart goes. That's me.

But I'm happy at least I know it now. So I don't carry hopes anymore. So I can convince my heart that all guys are the same. (Although deep down, there's still hope. Hope that its not true). And its better I give up on the feelings now than later right? And as I grow older I understand that you cannot bu fu qi about relationships. You cannot believe in those agonies. And I accepted it.

I once believed that he mend the hurts of my heart for that while but now, I see the light. I see the ugly truth. Perhaps, ignorance is still bliss.

Just laugh about it and move on!

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.
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Little bit of randomness...
Friday, July 02, 201020:30
I'm in cab on the way to OB.. So I'm blogging. Think I really roberted again!! I actually planned to club tonight and what? I realised I have a paper tomorrow at 9am!!! Oh, wtf... Ok, I promise to club to my heart's desire tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the day.. Get high get high.. Wahahaahha!

And I'm being random! I so love Audi R8! Its damn cool!! I like!!! Hehehehe
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

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Some old Flashbacks...
It was good reminiscing the good old days and laugh about what I used to blog.
I blogged so often in the past and often has interesting thoughts.
and I thought in the past,
I had so much confidence,
I was so intellectual,
I was so clear and certain of what I want,
I planned so much,
I was so motivated and motivates others,
I was so determined and persistent of what I want,
and what happened to me now?

and I realised, I used to sleep 4 hours a day..
now, 12 hours a day..
like, i think i will die young cause i'm so unhealthy.
oh, and i also realised I used much better English in the past.
Maybe because there's no more comprehension to do..

Ok, since its been damn long since i blogged,
I promise a longer post today..

I was reading some old post I posted in 2007...
Wow, this is funny so i decided to repost this...

Intelligence V.S Unintelligence
Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Smart woman + Dumb woman = Smarter women
Smart man + Dumb man = Dumb-er men

But men always think that they're smart.
The problem is, dumb people thinks they're smart
whereas smart people are always eager to learn.

And eventually there'll be an intelligence disparity.
Smart become smarter, dumb become dumb-er.

I hope I don't offend anyone though.
I realised alot of my recent post states how much I changed.
Yeah, I don't understand why I changed so much too..
Like, I became can't be bothered with most stuff.
Like, I take everything easily when i used to take everything seriously..
Like, I became so so lazy compare to the past.
and I thought we should keep improving but why do I think that life was better?
why do I feel that my values and beliefs was better?
why do I start feeling bad about myself?
but I have no idea how to change..
because there is no motivation in everything...
and then I get emo every now and then but refuse to admit.
Maybe I should start doing some serious stuff and change the circle of friends.
Perhaps, I'm just way too stagnant..

and, walking is good!
walking changes my mood.
walking makes me happy.
walking makes me refreshed.
walking makes me healthy.
I walked 3.3km from Cine back home..
How cool!~
woohoo ~

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