I read so much of my past post and I realised I emo very often when I always tell people I'm not. I used to express all my emotions in the past. But in the reality, you can't really do that. Therefore, this is where I express my thoughts.

And, when I get drunk, I just don't want to hide my feelings and I'll just say what I want. I don't think before I speak. When I see certain people around, I almost blurted how much I missed him. So when your emotions are being stirred, you behave abnormally.

When I told him about it, he went, "same here". And he asked if I'd feel better this way but who does. Because it just proves that he takes it more easily than I do. When he asked me why do I feel sorry, that's when I feel "because I love you". But I didn't say that. I said the usual I don't know instead. But when he said "same here" which explained a lot of question marks in me. And all my hopes vanished instantly.

He once asked me "why you don't believe me?" Because I seemed to doubt almost every of his words, but deep down inside I trust all that he say. My mind says, guys cannot be trusted. My heart says, maybe he's the one you can trust? I'm not affected about what he did. It only matters to me on where his heart goes. That's me.

But I'm happy at least I know it now. So I don't carry hopes anymore. So I can convince my heart that all guys are the same. (Although deep down, there's still hope. Hope that its not true). And its better I give up on the feelings now than later right? And as I grow older I understand that you cannot bu fu qi about relationships. You cannot believe in those agonies. And I accepted it.