Went for CSO today. It's just as bored there. I end up sitting there listening to songs and started to miss him. Instead, i started messaging Sam*. I just lose the courage as before when I will say what I want and do what I wish. I realized the older I get, I start to think more and worry more things which is good at some point.

Sometimes, I just envy my friends who can go for what they want. I admit I've been avoiding recently. I tried to deceive myself that I've fell for him and tried ways to tell myself it's ok, he's not mine. But today, I realized I cannot deceive myself anymore. So I decided to post as I really have no courage. Well, if he sees that may really be fate. ha! I don't know why, I just trust him so much. I'll believe whatever he say. Sometimes, I don't understand either. The things which I normally will think deeper, observe more but I realized I didn't observe anything. I even believed some things when I know is not true. Infact, I don't want to know how bad is he. In my eyes, he's just perfect. Though I know no one is perfect. The same thing happened 2 years ago when I fall for another guy. But this time, I chose to be rational. Or is it I just afraid of another rejection? Shall just let nature take it's cause. No matter where will he be going, I'll give him all my blessings. =)